Saturday, April 28, 2012

Unfinished Business

I have some unfinished business that I don't think will ever be completely finish.  I wish I could look each person in the eyes that prayed for Addy, Ally and myself and tell them thank you.  Prayer is very very powerful and can move mountains.  I had people all over the world praying for Addy and Ally.  It means so much to me.  We were given 12 beautiful days with them.  I remember hearing, "we are not sure why they are doing so well, but whatever is happening it is working for them".  That one 4 chambered heart was strong enough to give us 12 days.

I wish I could thank so many people.  We received gifts for the girls from people we never met.  Food, love, help, support, thoughts, arrangements, and a whole lot more that I am still finding out about that I am so very thankful for.  I had these beautiful cards with Addy and Ally's picture on the front to send as thank you notes.  I have written several out and I have actually mailed a couple.  I just find it really hard to  do it and I do not know why.  Maybe you are not suppose to send thank you notes out after your child or in my case children die.  I am still thankful though and one day I will get them mailed.

I have had a hard time this week missing the girls.  It comes in waves with no sense of what triggers it.  I think what started this little episode was hearing a commercial for a local funeral home.  It brought back memories of the last day we had them.   I have never told anyone about that day.   I have never talked about bringing my girls home to New Bern, which I am also thankful for.  I still have more to share and I will in time.

I am so thankful for all the doctors, nurses, social workers, and any other medical person that helped with Addy and Ally.  I am thankful for the hospitals across the US that studied the girls to see if they could find a way to save them.  I am so thankful to my family for the love and help.  My mom spent about 9 weeks here with me and took care of me, the kids, my husband, my dogs, and my house.  She was and is an amazing women.

I came home from the hospital and on my round table were a beautiful little bouquet of pink roses.  There was something about them and they were just beautiful.  We could not figure out for a while who left them.  They had been left on my front door step and my neighbor brought them in.  I loved those roses so much that I chose them to go on the wreath that was used for the girl's service that their urn sat on.  I later found out who left them.  She has become a new friend.  I think God brought her to me.  I am thankful for her and our new friendship and the time we spend together every week.

You see I do not think I will ever be able to express my gratitude but it sits in my heart.  The most important person I am thankful to is God.  He has carried me and given me unbelievable amounts of strength, hope, gratitude, content, love, care, compassion, and so much more.  Believe in and ask, you will receive.  I am a witness to that.


Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Happy Easter!

I know its a little late but I hope that you had a very Happy Easter!  I did.  My son and I were baptized, I was confirmed Catholic and we both took our first communion.  I do not have any pictures but maybe someone took one!

I decided that I would try very hard to make each gift I gave this year a hand made gift.  I think it would mean more.  I have found myself becoming very crafty.  Pinterest has helped me but it has also helped me to get my creative juices flowing.  I can not believe some of the stuff I have come up with.  I will post some more on the things I have been working on.

I would like to share a fabulous site that I have found called the www.theplaidbarn.com/.  Each morning you receive an email with the deal of the day.  It is all really cute crafty stuff.  If you are not crafty this will make you crafty.  I love this site and can not help myself.  I look forward to my little email I receive every morning from The Plaid Barn.  I think there will be some very cute presents in the future.  Check them out and enjoy.









Friday, March 30, 2012

Ashton is 13!





13 years ago today I was 19.  I was experiencing a life that most teenagers do not experience.  I was married.  I got married right after I turned 18 to the guy I had been "going out with" for 3 years.  3 months later I find myself pregnant.  So 13 years ago today I gave birth to a beautiful, and healthy baby boy.  I named this sweet little boy Ashton.  Ashton has grown up with me.  We are still children at 18 and even 19.  If I could do it all over again I would not change having him.  He has taught me so much and made me into the women and mother that I am today.  He loves his mamma.  He hugs me and plays with my hair (he knows I love to have my hair played with) .  He helps out with his younger siblings.  He is so sweet and kind hearted.  I love the kind heart he has.  He is not mean or mean spirited and loved by anyone that meets him.  I use to get frustrated b/c people would think he was my little brother. Ha!  I wish people would say that now, although I still get the occasional...."wow you do not look old enough to have a kid that old".  I must admit it does make me feel good.  He is my son, friend, and buddy.

Today was his day and I told him we could do whatever he wanted.  We ate chicken wings for lunch, spent his birthday money and then went  had a Pepsi float.  The day was ended with his favorite dinner (hamburger pie) and then his favorite dessert made into a cake.  I had to get creative for that one.  We had a wonderful day and I found myself going back to that day in the hospital.  I was so young and scared and then I had him..... this living breathing human being whom I am responsible for.  He is mine all mine and I am so happy he is.  I love you sweet boy.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

A Fresh Start

I have started blogging again.  I have updated my logo and changed some things around on my site.  I am going to start blogging regularly.  I will blog about myself and the kids, DIY projects, photography tips, good finds and anything else worth blogging.

So here goes the first new blog....

As most everyone knows Addy and Ally passed away on September 12, 2011.  We have spent the last 6 months staying busy with school, holidays and travels.  I started back taking pictures.  I have been sewing clothes that I designed for my kids and getting to projects that I have been wanting to do for a long time.  Its therapeutic for me to stay busy.  I think about my sweet daughters every day.  I miss them so much.  I have good days and bad days and really really bad days.  We have pictures up of Addy and Ally in the house and all of their stuff still sits on a little pink table in our bedroom.  I am not ready to put it away yet.  I talk to them all the time.  I have reminders of them all around me.  I am starting to notice babies in public now that would be their  age, which would be almost 7 months old.  I can not believe they would be almost 7 months old already!!  It does make me sad to see these babies but it also makes me smile.  I am starting to share their story and that helps.  Jeremy and I frequently find ourselves saying "Oh what do you think Addy and Ally would be doing right now?"  or "I bet the girls would love this I wish they were here."  When they were alive and in the hospital I had promised them that I would dress them just a like in  a really pretty dress and brush their hair and buy them the cutest little sandals.  I did not get to do that but I will in heaven one day.  When I get sad I picture them in my mind at about 2 years old in little pig tails and pretty dresses running around in heaven.  I love them so much and miss them.  I am doing ok though.  God keeps me strong.

So that brings me to introducing you to the newest members of our family:  Summer, Lilly, Daisy, Chicken, Sara, and Dinner. Yes we each named them and yes Jeremy's is named Dinner.  These are our new baby chickens.  We got them for the eggs and as a learning experience to be self sustainable.  Enjoy the pictures below they are cutie pies.







 Wait..... that last picture is not a chicken!!  Its a monkey!!

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Dr. Mccaffrey

Have you ever wandered why something was happening the way it was and why it couldnt just fall into place.  Have you ever had something like this happen and then in the end you realize why it all happened that way?  On August 31, 2011 I realized why I was giving birth to Addy and Ally on August 31, 2011, at UNC Chapel Hill.

I did not know that on the day I found out that I was having twins and my world came crashing down when I found out that they were conjoined that this would bring me to meet one of the most amazing man, person, doctor, father,  friend, god father, and mentor I would ever meet.

I was so unsure of delivering the girls at Chapel Hill right up until the end.  Right up until a few days before having them when I heard his sweet but strong voice on the other end of the phone.  We had searched all over the US for a doctor to tell us YES!  YES!  We have a new way of doing things and we think we can save Addy and Ally.  We never heard those words.  We only heard no or we will have to wait and see when they are born.  We only heard we only expect for them to live days much less hours.  Dr. Brown kept telling us that we needed to figure out where we are going b/c she had to send us somewhere.

Dr. Mccaffrey called and my whole world changed.  He didnt tell us no he told us they would do what we wanted to try and fight for our girls lives.  When doctors were doubting our decision he said that they would do what we wanted and that was to fight for our daughter's precious lives.

He walked this beautiful journey with us and fought for Addy and Ally.  Our daughters had 12 amazing days b/c he was their doctor.  Dr. Mccaffrey encouraged us and stayed positive even until the very end.  He held our hands and walked us through it hand in hand.  There was never a lie or false hope.  Even in the most darkest moment of letting our sweet little babies go to Jesus he comforted us right by our side.  We were never delivered dark bleak sad news by him.  We were given reality but in away that was so understanding and compassionate.  We were told how amazing we were for giving Addy and Ally life and for fighting for them.  Loosing my daughters has been the hardest thing I have ever gone through and every day it is still hard.  Dr. Mccaffrey is a man of his word and stood strong for Addy and Ally.  He is a gift given to every human being on this Earth.  With a heart of gold what better path could he have taken?  None he is where he suppose to be, a servant of the Lord and he serves perfectly.  People or should I say doctors should learn from him.  If they could learn from him then they could realize that its the quality of life not quantity.  There would be a lot of lives saved and less hearts scarred.

If I would not have delivered when I did he would not have been Addy and Ally's doctor the whole time.  I realized that God brought our paths together Jeremy and I were suppose to meet Dr. Mccaffrey and his precious family.  He is Addy and Ally's Godfather and what and amazing gift he has given us.  I couldnt have asked for a better person.  I am so touched my him and his family.  Dr. Mccaffrey, Addy, Ally, Jeremy, and I have lots of work left to do here on Earth and this is only the beginning.

Thank you Marty Mccaffrey for being such a wonderful person and influence on me.  Thank you for fighting for Addy and Ally.  Thank you for taking this journey with us.  Thank you for being apart of our lives.  Thank you for the work you do.  Its a thankless job at times.  Thank you for saving unborn babies.  Thank you for believing in our Father in heaven.  Thank you for being a man of faith.  I am so glad that I met you.  You are stuck with us now :)  

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Storybook Stitches

I have not posted in a while.  I have so much to say but its really hard to sit down and write sometimes.  I will get it all out gradually.  My next post will be all about Dr. Mccaffrey.  I want to say it perfect b/c in my eyes he is perfect.

I have started back to work.  This was the last session I took before I went on bed rest.  I am just now finishing the editing.  It was bittersweet working on this because I was pregnant with Addy and Ally.


This is Storybook Stitches.  Mary Ellen is her name and she is so talented.  These pictures are of her precious little girls wearing her beautiful creations.  I had a lot of fun taking these pics.  You must order from her because every little girl needs one of these outfits in her closet!!

Friday, September 23, 2011

Dr. McCaffrey

He deserves his own post......
 
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